Note to self: don't take Zithromax on a completely empty stomach. Bleh.

Watch the day disintegrate
So I can stay up late and wait

that's what it feels like. urge to drive is simply a replacement for ///////. better for me, though. undoubtedly. but not as satisfying. no end product. no visible change. overtired now and just idiotic. being manipulative/viral and edges aren't meshing right in my head. then, it's all abuse now, isn't it? giving and taking (though not in that order, perhaps). not aligning, and can't figure out how to make things work. but I shouldn't be trying. just stop thinking; pack ears with cotton. this post shouldn't be here. email should be sent. bed should be slept in. stop this stop this.

i want passing reflectors at
110 mph and
black air clutching
my throat and tearing
at my clothes.
grill greeting insects
with a friendly thwack.
smacktrack of tires
and hum of tread.
emtpy rearview
empty sky
empty head.

two more days two more here then gone. tomorrow talking? 20 seconds alone in kitchen and back of minivan is simply frustrating...

I hate being here. This is not home.

Yes, Family is here. But that is all. They all have their own lives. I'm just a passenger in a car, able to help fix a flat tire every once in awhile. Bustlebustle things to do for them but not for me. Waiting, killing time gaps in life between minor planned events.

No books, no stereo, no writing, no friends, no school.

I hate this. Vehemently.

Three. More. Days.

I believe my away message on AIM says it all:

Fine! Null eggs, hams.
Over easy &
well done.

(edit)

A woman who writes feels too much,
those trances and portents!
As if cycles and children and islands
weren't enough; as if mourners and gossips
and vegetables were never enough.
She thinks she can warn the stars.
A writer is essentially a spy.
Dear love, I am that girl.

A man who writes knows too much,
such spells and fetiches!
As if erections and congresses and products
weren't enough; as if machines and galleons
and wars were never enough.
With used furniture he makes a tree.
A writer is essentially a crook.
Dear love, you are that man.

Never loving ourselves,
hating even our shoes and our hats,
we love each other, precious, precious.
Our hands are light blue and gentle.
Our eyes are full of terrible confessions.
But when we marry,
the children leave in disgust.
There is too much food and no one left over
to eat up all the weird abundance.

Anne Sexton - the black art

(thankyou)

my face looks different in the mirror.

and it's kind of freaking me out.

Up, barely (eyes lazy and unfocusing and burning)

four hours failed, tossed turned coughed snapped awake repeatedly. Exausted.

oh well.

back to essay.

yikes. room is starting to detach from body and move around.

essay is nowhere near done.

but if I don't sleep now...

shutdown for 4 hours. will get up, shower. will then have 3 hours to complete this.

I can do this.

I'd better do this.

Me, I just think he's a commie.

cough cough hack cough bleh!

want to take cough medicine, but that will just make me tired.
no good!

back to essaying.

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."


Which Ralph Wiggum Quote Are You? (Simpsons)
brought to you by Quizilla


oh yeahy, I'm supposed to be essaying.

This post:
open MS Word
begin writing final for fedler
yep. and so it starts.

I'll make a bigger post tomorrow, perhaps. Right now, I just want to type for a bit enjoying the background of Adult Swim and the backdrop of my room and bed.

Smiling to myself, probably going to just listen to some music and smile to myself some more.

Enjoying being tiredawake and just basking. Yes.

that is all for now.

"This was also the war of cable news, whose ratings jumped by triple digits while the ratings for network nightly news dropped slightly. Cable showed a war that was easy to see but hard to know, as 24-hour news took advantage of technology and access but often hurriedly picked up unconfirmable reports, albeit with caveats. 'It's a hazard of the electronic-journalism game,' says msnbc president Erik Sorenson. 'My staff is so sick of me saying the word attribution.'"

Damnable attribution! Always getting in the way of good news!
(article from here)

Postin' time.

Actually, postin' time in a couple minutes. For now, I must go and make coffee.
Mmm. Coffee (9:17p.m.)
-
Coffee is now brewing (9:24p.m.)

Time to select music. And it seems we have Wilco's cd Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. Yes we do. We don't have bananas, but we have Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
I am an American aquarium drinker, I assassin down the avenue...(i want everyone to wonder what smells like an aquarium)

Today was a productive day as hoped. Woke up to my alarm at 9:30 (which is far more impressive than you realize. Sleeping in has not been an ability of mine as of late). I putzed around the apartment, lurked online, then grabbed my digital camera and headed off to campus. On my way to News Reporting 1, I took a picture of a plant watching television. Sat through Fedler's class, and wrote an article on an interview done in-class with a student about a gang shooting at her school a long time ago. Wrote the article quickly (and well, I do believe) and was the first one out of there. Also, Fedler agreed to my change in topic. Woo!

From there, I went to OASIS (and on my way there I took a fun picture of a girl sleeping in the grass outside of Cobourn Hall) to declare my minor and get an override, but it was closed for half an hour. Not feeling like sitting in a hallway, I started to head back to my apartment.On my way to my car, I spotted an old man smoking a pipe. Took a picture of him. And then I went to the boardwalk outside of the UCF Student Union and took several pictures of various trees that I found interesting (yes, I'm a dork, and the pictures will be posted later).

-coffee's done. getting a cup. back. yum.-

Getting back to my apartment, I decided to start putting the pictures up online. So I started a new livejournal account for it. Hopefully this will be something I update at least a few times a week with just random pictures of things I like. Going to have to start using the LJ cut tag for it so people don't go nuts loading it if they're on dialup (or if my server is slow).
I then hooked the XBox up to the TV in my room, though I doubt it will be played much over the next few weeks. Still want to read, and I have a fair amount of schoolwork to do.

At 3, back to OASIS I went. I declared my minor, and they sent me over to the Office of the School of Communications to get my override into a web class. Thankfully, I got the override. Here is my final schedule for Fall 2003:

Editing 1 9:30 a.m. - 10:20 a.m. M W F
Contemporary Media Issues 12:30 p.m. - 1:20 p.m. M W F
Advanced Reporting 12 p.m. - 1:20 p.m. T R
Feature Writing online

Hooray for barely ever having to be on campus, and having a schedule that will allow me to get a job!
While I'm at it, here's my schedule for this coming summer:

Beginning Golf 8 a.m. - 10:50 a.m. T R, (goes from early May to June 17th)      I'm taking this class with Tony. Should be easy and hopefully fun.
Modern Ideaologies 10 a.m. - 11:50 a.m. M T W R, (goes from June 17th to late July)      I don't really need his class...I'm taking it so I have something to do over the summer. It's also taught by Professor Kiel, who I thoroughly enjoy.

Where was I? So, after getting my schedule all set, I came back to the apartment and studied some SCOTUS cases, poisoned my brain with some TV, and then went back to campus at 7 for my Mass Communication Law class. Took the quiz in there, and I think I did well. That was also the last time the class will meet. Next time I'm in that room will be for the final exam on Tuesday.

When I got back to my apartment I tried calling a person for my article due Friday, but got no anwser. I left a message...and I'll probably call back a few times tomorrow.

Random notes to self: at some point in the very near future, return Donnie Darko. Also, buy rechargable batteries for digital camera.

So, I think that brings us up to now. Honestly, I'm not sure what to do with the rest of this evening. Maybe I'll start working on my spanish presentation. I really should, just to reduce my workload for Thursday. Actually, I think I will work on it. In a minute. For now, I'm enjoying my coffee, and debating: popcorn or ice cream?
My toughest decision of the day.

Today started off like crap, but it's been getting steadily better. I think...I think I'm getting the hang of this, the hang of me. It's a good feeling. Getting better at letting go, making mental lists.
And I think this thing helps.

Things to do tomorrow:
In the morning before Kiel's class, call local apartment complexes to find out about trespassing charges against clubs, and also policies. Also check to see if other complexes are considering it. As well, call the UCF Police Dept. and talk to them about fliers on campus, if it's a problem, if they've done anything, etc. Also find some students who've had the fliers stick to their windshield (found 2 already, both in my apartment).

(phone call)
Wow. Such a great mood. Nice and mellow...phenomenal.

Today...was a good day. I would have punched you if you'd told me that at noon.

Take care.

Hehehehe, 2 minutes later on an old episode of the Simpsons:

"Fox has sunk to a new low." - Lisa Simpson

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They keep getting WORSE. I didn't think it was possible...

To quote the commercial...
"Hosted by who else? Monica Lewinski."

You know, maybe putting a working TV in my room was a bad idea...

http://www.livejournal.com/users/time_lapse/

Some weird guy I know starting up a new project.

-

In other news, feeling a bit better. bigger post tonight. For now, I'm noticing on an SNL rerun just how much pam anderson lee's face looks like mic jagger's.

eeep.

why is this such a hard thing to hold on to and why am i so illogical and why does it tighten my chest and make me nauseus and why does it make me tired.

let the wallowing commence (continue)

pisses me off get up out MOVE DAMMIT MOVE

Dreams...so.

Last night, it would seem that I jumped off of the Panasofky Bridge (however you spell it). The bridge was out, actually, so I jumped over the edge of a cliff next to it. My reasoning: if I die, I'll just come back to life and try again. It was a several hundred foot fall, and I executed the dive perfectly...I went straight down to the bottom of the sea, then came back up to the surface and climbed to the top. I was getting ready to run to UF, which was on a beach, when I remembered I'd left the keys to my boat in the boat (the boat was how I got there in the first place).So, I started to jump off when an old lady gave me $34,000 not to. So I went down a ramp and pulled the boat to me. It was a flats boat when I started pulling on the anchor line, but by the time it got to me it was a small model of the USS New Jersey, and the top part had come off.

There was some other part about guns and running but that part is far beyond my reach...

Stuff to do, stuff to do...

Puzting around. Drinking coffee, ate Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Ice Cream of Artery Clogging goodness. Yes. Artery clogging. My vascular system has a good rhythm. Tappa-tappa-tappa. My mood is very mellow, somewhat somber, a little lonely, but happy nonetheless. If I pause a smile finds its way to the corners of my mouth and plays tug of war with my lips.

Listening to the cover of Mad World from the Donnie Darko soundtrack.

And thus, the background is set for this entry.

It's been so long since I've done a real entry. Most of my real entries were done on a journal system on a forum. That, unfortunately, has been eaten by the internet. And I'm not sure if I want to make a new one. It was good to write down what was going on in my head at the time. I think. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. Wallowing has never been a good thing...and oh did I wallow. But...it felt good at the time. Not everything that feels good is good, however. Bah. I'm probably (definitely) putting too much thought into it. I think I will start journaling again. I might start posting real entries in my flatword livejournal. I can lock them down if I want, etc.

Note: I am also intermittently lighting matches and watching them burn. As I said, mellow. (match 1)

Back to journaling. I'm IMing someone right now who has an eye for their AIM icon (does that make it an eyecon? yeah, yeah, I know...). Reminds me of a certain picture of someone that's been slightly cropped...(match 2)

Things I must do before Tuesday, April 22:
Go to OASIS to declare minor in Political Science, and see about override into a web class (Current Media Issues) (no deadline, but doing tomorrow)

Talk to Fedler about changing topic for my paper to match the article I'm writing for the Future (talk to him tomorrow)
Study 3 SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) cases for a quiz in Mass Communication Law (deadline tomorrow)
Take picture of "tv plant" (self-imposed deadline tomorrow)
Work on a presentation about the Florida school voucher program (deadline Wednesday)
Write and film a 2 minute Spanish presentation (deadline Friday)
Write article for the Future/hopefully Fedler on apartment complexes charging local clubs with trespassing for putting fliers on cars. Must be 4 pages if it is for Fedler, though that's a good fixed point for the article (deadline Friday) Note: if I hold this deadline, I will be ahead of the deadline for Fedler's paper
Complete Spanish homework for chapter 12 (deadline Monday) (match 3)
Study for Spanish final, Mass Comm Law final (both Tuesday, one after the other)
Write 3-4 page paper of Florida voucher system (deadline Tuesday)
(phone call here) (match 4)
Things to do randomly:
Read. Don't know what, but I need literature. Maybe pull out The Dispossessed...
Play DDR.
Write. Poetry, journal, whatever. Maybe a new comic...that would be nice.

Ok, I think I'm done with this for right now. Will probably post more later...must wander now.

Take care.

Shortly after previous post:

"An, nevermind. I'm not gonna do stuff because I didn't do stuff."

Nouns. NOW. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

Some adjectives probably wouldn't hurt, either.

"Somewhere around here there's stuff that's gonna do stuff."
"Where is it?"
"Around the next thing."

Ah, my apartment!

Please! Someone donate some nouns to us!

Feelin' fine.

Time to be a smartass!

From fom kid's review of an Evanescencensecesennsce concert.

"Most meloncoly, sit-around appathetic crowd I've ever been a part of." The best part? He seemed surprised by this!

And as well...the band covered Zero and Heart Shaped Box.

.....
oh dear.

Thor was a bit damaged and cranky when he appeared in my mailbox.

So does this mean I can start calling them french fries again?

what is sitting on my chest?

off! get off!

grr.

Brandon Hogan Hardin is a Brain-Eating Love Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 8.3 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Brandon Hogan Hardin, enter your name:

I find it ironic that when I want to and need to have my portable cd player to go on campus and rollerblade, I do not have it for reasons that are slightly (though not wholly) related to my needing it in the first place.

from here:

Radiohead's past two albums, "Kid A" and "Amnesiac," were also were available online several weeks before street date, despite the fact that no advance copies were circulated and journalists were required to listen to them at the office of the band's publicist. Nevertheless, the sets debuted at No. 1 and No. 2, respectively, on the Billboard 200, and have sold more than 1.7 million copies in the U.S. combined, according to Nielsen SoundScan.

Wait. This couldn't POSSIBLY mean that if bands make good music, people will still buy the records despite having already downloaded tracks, could it? Nah. THIEVES! ALL OF YOU!

Hail to the (digital media) Theif

sleep past tense
slept?
god knows I know I need
eyes closed and could someone
turn the knob on my chest
counterclockwise?
my vices are squeezing me
too tight.

Your personality type is INTP.

Introverted (I) 79% Extraverted (E) 21%
Intuitive (N) 64% Sensing (S) 36%
Thinking (T) 55% Feeling (F) 45%
Perceiving (P) 64% Judging (J) 36%

From here.

---

INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them.
Precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off. While annoying to the less concise, this fine discrimination ability gives INTPs so inclined a natural advantage as, for example, grammarians and linguists.

INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to most anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible. They prefer to return, however, to a reserved albeit benign ambiance, not wishing to make spectacles of themselves.

A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions.

Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought. This fascination for logical wholes and their inner workings is often expressed in a detachment from the environment, a concentration where time is forgotten and extraneous stimuli are held at bay. Accomplishing a task or goal with this knowledge is secondary.

INTPs and Logic -- One of the tipoffs that a person is an INTP is her obsession with logical correctness. Errors are not often due to poor logic -- apparent faux pas in reasoning are usually a result of overlooking details or of incorrect context.

Games NTs seem to especially enjoy include Risk, Bridge, Stratego, Chess, Go, and word games of all sorts. (I have an ENTP friend that loves Boggle and its variations. We've been known to sit in public places and pick a word off a menu or mayonnaise jar to see who can make the most words from its letters on a napkin in two minutes.) The INTP mailing list has enjoyed a round of Metaphore, virtual volleyball, and a few 'finish the series' brain teasers.

INTPs in the main are not clannish. The INTP mailing list, with a readership now in triple figures, was in its incipience fraught with all the difficulties of the Panama canal: we had trouble deciding on:

1) whether or not there should be such a group,
2) exactly what such a group should be called, and
3) which of us would have to take the responsibility for organization and maintenance of the aforesaid group/club/whatever.


Famous INTPs:
Socrates
Rene Descartes
Blaise Pascal
Sir Isaac Newton
James Madison
John Quincy Adams
John Tyler
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Gerald Ford
William Harvey (pioneer in human physiology)
C. G. Jung, (Freudian defector, author of Psychological Types, etc.)
William James
Albert Einstein
Tom Foley (Speaker of the House--U.S. House of Representatives)
Henri Mancini
Bob Newhart
Jeff Bingaman, U.S. Senator (D.--NM)
Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids)....whatever happened to rick moranis?
Meryl Streep
Brent Spiner (Commander Data, Star Trek -- The Next Generation)
Midori Ito (ice skater, Olympic silver medalist)
Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen (The Full House twins)

Fictional INTPs:
Tom and Fiona (Four Weddings and a Funeral)
Dr. Susan Lewis (ER)
Filburt(Rocko's Modern Life)

From Socrates to the Olsen Twins...
Personally, I'm most thrilled about Filbert! He kicked ass!

I miss Rocko's Modern Life...

It's masturbation either way.

Yeah, I know, I'm being silly and snarky. Hush! I'm having fun!

evil / vile
live veil
not me not me not me
notmenotmenotme