You know, I surpise myself with my writing. It sounds pretentious, but every now and then I look back and go "Oh! Hey, that wasn't too bad."

I should write more. For now, I'm going to post a couple things (old) and then new.
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I awoke in bed to moonlight, and I saw your profile illuminated. I reached out to touch your skin, but felt only sheets damp with sweat.
--

So, tomorrow I will do something that will make me a huge, huge hypocrite. Something I swore I would never do.

But...

...thoughts of it and her have loosened me up. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Which makes me feel like a terrible person, but...oh well. I won't ask for forgiveness. But I'll ask for understanding.

And I will understand that you don't.

Dusting this off for a small bit of pacing.

Things happen. And now I'm in the spot you were in 3 years ago.

And everything is clear in how it works and how it can feel innocent and needed at the time.

Retroactively apologizing for you, maybe not.

Maybe this is how things are.

Maybe I need to make personal life less concrete, and embrace things and maybe stop trying to make everyone else happy and protect everyone and just be for myself.

I don't regret the decision.

Maybe I will later.

But for now, it helped me breathe.