what is this and where did it come from? I don't like it and want it to be gone. everything's out of place now, and this isn't good. I just want to crawl back into bed...

(added)
why can't I just be happy? I have so many wonderful things in my life right now. I have no right to feel like this. Why is it the better my life gets, the harder I seem to try to fuck everything up?