I know me and I knew this was going to happen because its what I do. I cannot fail if I do not do. I need to do this I should do this I can do this but argh tense and NO and want to curl up and be quiet and not move but shake. Wanted to reward myself with /////// but what the fuck is that at which point did this evil thing that manifests itself through my fingers become a reward and something I desire to do passively. I want to be onedgeonedgeonedge, I want to drink 8 cups of coffee and force myself into feeling everything at once in obliteration and wound so tight only loud music acting as my heart will pound things through my veins . This is not me this is sick. And if this is me I don't want to be me anymore and someone else can fill this body.






this is not going to be fun but i will finish what i started one way or another